In a world that loves simple labels, identities that live in the gray areas often face a particular kind of confusion. One of the most misunderstood and frequently erased of these is the existence of individuals who identify as both bisexual and asexual—or “bi-ace.”
At first glance, these two terms might seem to be in direct opposition. Bisexuality is about attraction to more than one gender, while asexuality is defined by a lack of sexual attraction. How can someone experience both? The answer lies in a deeper, more nuanced understanding of human attraction, revealing a rich and valid identity that challenges our most basic assumptions about love, desire, and connection.
This is not a contradiction. It is a clarification. It is the story of those who find their hearts pulled in multiple directions, even if that pull isn’t inherently sexual.
Deconstructing the Toolkit: Understanding Split Attraction
To grasp the bi-ace experience, we must first move beyond the monolithic idea of “attraction.” The Split Attraction Model (SAM) is a framework that has been invaluable for many in the asexual and aromantic communities. It separates attraction into different types, the most relevant being:
- Romantic Attraction: The desire for a deep, emotional, romantic relationship with a specific person. It’s the feeling of having a “crush,” wanting to date someone, and building a romantic partnership.
- Sexual Attraction: An innate, magnetic pull toward a specific person that makes you desire sexual contact with them.
For most of the population, these two types of attraction are aligned and directed toward the same people. But for others, they are not. This is where identities like bisexual asexual become not just possible, but essential for self-description.
A person who is bi-romantic experiences romantic attraction to more than one gender. They can develop crushes on, fall in love with, and desire romantic relationships with people of various genders. The pattern of their romantic orientation is bisexual.
If that same person is also asexual, it means they do not experience, or experience very little, sexual attraction. Their romantic and sexual orientations are distinct.
Thus, a bisexual asexual (or bi-romantic asexual) person is someone whose capacity for romantic love is not limited by gender, but who does not feel the accompanying sexual draw that society expects to come with it.
The Bi-Ace Experience: A Spectrum of Lived Realities
The bi-ace identity is not a single, uniform experience. It encompasses a beautiful diversity of ways to love and connect.
What Might This Look Like in Practice?
- The Hopeless Romantic: This person falls in love easily and deeply. They crave hand-holding, candlelit dinners, shared dreams, and lifelong partnership. They feel a profound romantic pull towards people regardless of their gender. However, that romantic fantasy does not include a sexual component. They desire a life partner, a “person,” not a sexual partner.
- The Aesthetic and Sensual Appreciator: A bi-ace person might feel a strong pull towards people based on aesthetic attraction (finding them beautiful or visually pleasing, like admiring a work of art) or sensual attraction (a desire for non-sexual physical intimacy, such as cuddling, hugging, or kissing). This pull can be felt toward multiple genders, making the “bi” prefix feel right. They may want to be physically close and emotionally intimate with a person they find aesthetically stunning, without that leading to a desire for sex.
- The Person in a Queerplatonic Relationship (QPR): For some, the ideal relationship exists outside the romantic/sexual binary altogether. A bi-ace individual might form a deep, committed, life-entangled QPR with a person of any gender. This partnership is more intense and structured than a typical friendship, often involving cohabitation, shared finances, or co-parenting, but is built on a foundation of platonic or alterous (neither purely romantic nor purely platonic) love.
Navigating a “Double Erasure”
Bi-ace people often face a unique challenge: double erasure.
- From the Monosexual World: They are told, “You just haven’t found the right man/woman yet,” a classic form of bi-erasure that invalidates their multi-gender attraction.
- From the Asexual Community: They can sometimes face skepticism for using the “bi” label, with questions like, “If you’re asexual, how can you be attracted to more than one gender?” This invalidates their romantic orientation.
- From the Allosexual World at Large: The most common response is pure confusion. “How does that even work?” or “That doesn’t make any sense,” which invalidates their entire identity.
This constant need to explain and justify their existence can be exhausting and isolating.
Shattering the Myths: What Bi-Ace Is NOT
Let’s dismantle the most pervasive misconceptions:
- Myth: It’s a “transitional” identity or being “indecisive.”
Truth: Being bi-ace is a stable, valid identity in its own right. It is not a “stopover” on the way to being gay or straight, nor is it a sign of confusion. It is a clear and specific description of one’s internal experience of attraction. - Myth: It’s just wanting attention / a trendy label.
Truth: The vocabulary may be modern, but the human experience it describes is not. People have always existed who felt romantic love for multiple genders without sexual desire. The label simply provides the language to understand oneself and find community, reducing isolation, not creating it for “trendiness.” - Myth: Asexual people can’t be in relationships or don’t experience love.
Truth: This is perhaps the most damaging myth of all. Asexuality is about sexual attraction, not the capacity for love, intimacy, or commitment. Bi-ace people fall in love, build profound partnerships, and have rich emotional lives. Their relationships are simply defined by different parameters, often prioritizing emotional intimacy, intellectual connection, and romantic or platonic commitment over sex. - Myth: You have to be “equally” attracted to all genders.
Truth: The “bi” in bisexual (or bi-romantic) has always meant “more than one,” not “all, equally.” A bi-ace person might have a strong preference for one gender romantically, or their attraction might fluctuate over time. There is no single, “correct” way to be bi.
The Power of Visibility and Self-Definition
For those who identify as bisexual and asexual, finding the language to describe themselves can be a moment of profound liberation. It’s the pieces of a confusing puzzle suddenly snapping into place. It answers the question, “Why do I fall in love with people of different genders, but never feel the way my friends do about sex?”
Visibility for the bi-ace community is crucial. Seeing this identity discussed in articles, represented in media, and acknowledged within LGBTQ+ spaces sends a powerful message: You are not a contradiction. You are not broken. Your experience is real and valid.
The existence of bi-ace individuals beautifully illustrates that the landscape of human attraction is not a simple, two-dimensional map, but a complex, multi-layered, and deeply personal universe. They remind us that love is not a single act, but a symphony of different notes—romantic, platonic, aesthetic, sensual, and emotional.
By embracing the nuance of the bi-ace identity, we don’t just make room for one more label. We expand the possibilities for everyone to understand and articulate the unique, beautiful, and often complicated ways in which they are capable of loving and connecting with others. In their “contradiction,” we find a deeper truth: the heart and its desires are far too vast to be confined by simple definitions.